Collapse sooner or later :(

Lost and confused... unable to understand what is going on in my life or how big are the events... I am unable to measure the consequences, unable to understand or think or manage what I'm going through... They all say "enty bent gada3a" but will I be able to handle for the coming year? I am so lost and confused... I dont know what happened... I feel like it is just a bad dream that I am facing and that soon I will wake up to find my life better... I feel like it is one of my ugly day dreams from which i will again wake up... I feel like I am unconscious... unaware of all what is going on around me...

It turns out she has cancer and has to do chemotherapy sometime soon... They want to send her abroad to take her 6 months treatment and of course I have to be with her coz I am the only one who takes care of her... Its not that they asked me, I am the one who wants to go to make sure that everything goes on well... My job, my life, my friends, my freedom, my mother, everything is never going to be what it used to be... my life has changed dramatically and I have to accept it, take it lightly, and go on with it...

My mother's sickness, my annoying and unbearable job, my being broke for more than 2 months now that I actually had to sell some of my golden jewelry to pay for my bills, my studying, my broken heart...... I am simply living in a BIG comma and I feel that soon I will collapse from all this mess I'm living in...

I am smiling, laughing, working hard, making fun out of everything that I am going through... But deep inside, there is sooooooo much pain that sooner or later will show and make me collapse...

I am so tired... el 7amdolelah...