Its all relative... and the decision was never mine!

Ive been surrounded by many decisions to make lately that my head was about to burst of thinking...

I had a marriage proposal to decide on... I saw him 3 times before making my final decision... I knew everything I should know about a person to decide whether I can spend the rest of my entire life with him or not in 3 times, a total of 6 hours.... I was happy but still had to think thoroughly about it before making "The" decision...

My parents saw him and saw his parents, and all I could see in their faces was a big "NO"... They kept telling me "the decision is yours", but they simply made the decision for me from the looks in their eyes...

The guy was nice... He had every quality I wanted in a husband... He was well-educated, nice, pious, kind, loves kids, loves music, he reads and loves languages.... He didnt inspire me but I was happy about his qualities and thought that I could go for it... However, the overall picture wasnt that appealing... Without going into further details, my dad and mum werent happy about the rest of the package... They told me that he is an average guy, but they wont refuse him if I want him... And the decision was mine...

However, the decision was never mine.. I'm not saying that I didnt think, I didnt have the freedom of thinking clearly because they were giving me the "no" look... They werent happy and they kept telling me "you deserve better"... But what do they mean by "better"? Better is a very relative word... Do they mean better than him? or better than me? and better in what exactly? The whole package? or some parts of it? and why do I deserve better? what is the definition of the word "Better"? I didnt get it...

But this is the answer that I usually get from my parents, my family members and my friends... That I deserve better or the best... But do I really deserve them? And I need them to tell me what is the "better" or "best" that I deserve.... How does it look like? What are its components? Nobody has any clue... Its not like I regret the fact that I called the whole proposal off, but they didnt give me a chance to think and all I got from them is that same exact statement I've been getting for long now...

Its all relative... There is no clear picture of how it should be... Besides, maybe this is the best I can get... What does rich mean? or beautiful? or well-off? or social standard? or financial stability? These are all relative and they all depend on who I am; if I consider myself to be the benchmark... So to say that I deserve the best, I have to set a certain criteria to measure upon... And those criteria should be known for all so that when I get a marriage proposal, they could all compare to the set criteria... Then we could be making the right decision about the marriage proposal... Also, who judges that the criteria set by us would allow us to make the right lifetime decision? We set the criteria so akeed akeed we are biased towards a number of things, so still we wouldnt be making the right decision. For example, my parents believe that I am beautiful (they dont of course, its just an example) so they believe I should get married to a handsome guy... But in real life I'm not beautiful, and beauty is relative, so they wouldnt be making the right decision and definitely I will not be able to decide because I falsely believe that I'm beautiful when I am definitely NOT....

After I finally said "No, I wont marry him", I saw the relief in their eyes... Happiness that I made the decision that they wanted me to make... And they confessed that they didnt want it to happen or work out because "they thought I deserve better".... So again, I face the same scenario for the 25th time... And they claim that I made the decision, when they did it for me without noticing... And the pressure of me getting married starts again...

"SIGH"