Secret GF or the "Convenient" type?!?!

I dont get it...
All the laughs and calls... All the nice words and compliments...
What are they for?
Could it be that I'm just the "convenient" type? He just enjoys the chats and thats it.. No committment, no responsibilities, no anything... And when I try to have something more serious, all I get is, "you're my lil' friend"... And here I start getting confused... How can all that be just "friendship"? I know what friendship is, and I tried it a million times with the opposite sex, and what we have is not friendship...

Was all what he said just a joke? something to laugh about? Was he just making fun? I thought he was serious... It came out so well that we're gonna be together soon... But today he denied that we could EVER be together... I felt ashamed of myself... I felt so small, where no one notices me... I felt like I'm a secret in his life that he wants to hide for good.. He doesnt want anyone to know that I exist in his life or that he exists in mine... He confused me... He urged me to keep it a secret and denied the "us" thing again...

It seems that I tricked myself one more time... Seems like I fell one more time... Seems like I'm stupid to an extent that I fell in the same hole I fell in before...

What am I to him??? I really need an explanation :(