No... it is just a dream...

Here he is... right beside me... I can see his face... I could hear his voice... I could reach out and touch his hand...

There he is... the love of my life... the reason for my sleepless nights... the person I'd leave the whole world for...

Here he is... here for me... coming to take me away from here... Coming to hold me in his arms... Coming to ease my pain and end the misery...

Here he is... Smiling at me... Making me laugh and forget about the whole world...

Here he is... entering my life once more and I am unaware of it...

He is here and I am so happy about it... He is sitting right next to me...

No we are not sitting... We are walking together... Side by side.. by the sea..

No... we are over the phone... talking for hours about nothing that is important.. laughing till we lose some tears...

No... we are not together and he is not there... He is not here... and he will never be...

It is just a dream I had the other night and I still cant get it outta my head...

The ugly moment of farewell

We are not close friends... I don't think we can call the existing relationship as friendship in the first place... He is just my colleague at work... A very nice, decent, cozy, funny and friendly guy, who is married and about to have twins in less than 2 weeks (isa)...

He happens to be the one sitting next to me in our ill-designed office... Actually infront of me.. The only person I see from the high wooden partitions that separate all the employees in this office... He is just someone I like talking to, and laughing at his funny comments, and that is about it... Nothing more, Nothing less...

And this morning, they told me that he resigned and is moving to a better position in a much better place than the one we are trapped in (isa)... And to my surprise, I felt so broken... I felt like I am losing one of the few nice things in the place...

I sometimes hate the fact that I usually build emotions to everything around me... My office, my computer, my phone, my colleagues, my boss, even the office boy represents something to me... And this endless emotionality is something I hate about myself and wish I could get rid of it... It is painful because nothing stays as it is... Everything ends and fades and leaves... And with every departure I feel alot of pain...

I wish you all the best in the world... I wish you happiness, success and good health.. I will really miss your presence...

Men are turning into animals in this country...

Since the crisis that happened in the streets of downtown Cairo on the first day of our feast that I have been feeling extreme fear of all men walking on the streets... More than 20 men running after women in one of the most crowded streets of Cairo; actually the center of Cairo, and taking of their clothes and touching them is something I have never imagined would happen in Egypt... And yesterday, my friend was followed by a fancy car, where a guy was trying to convince her to get into the car with him... And she is a Veiled, decently dressed girl...

I thought of buying a Swiss knife, but I realised that it would take me time to open it in time of attack... Also, I thought of getting one of those self defence sprays... But still, I feel helpless, weak and vulnerable for the first time... I never thought that being a woman would make me vulnerable to danger... especially in my country...

Egypt has been known for its corruption, for the unclean drinking water, for the bird flu in chicken, for the bureaucracy that is killing us all... but not for sexual abuse, not for unsafety for girls... Yes there is prostitution although it is against the law and religion; yes there are people who actually kidnapp girls and rape them... But not collective sexual abuse in the middle of the street... in the center of the city... on the night of the feast...

What happened to men in this country? Are they turning into animals? Why is frustration so high? Girls have the same exact needs, why don't they go on harressing men and abusing them? Is it because men are physically stronger? or is it that it is OK for men to do what they please but women can't? What the hell is happening to my country? The country I used to cherish more than any place on this planet....