The Angel

*Sigh*
I guess words are not enough to describe such an angel... To make anyone feel the way I've felt for so long now... He is just an Angel... And I will forever refer to him as an angel even if he ended up being a criminal...

The smartest guy on earth... Very kind-hearted, supportive, cute, generous, and giving... So mysterious, cozy and unbelieveingly gorgeous... An Amazing friend that any person; girl or guy, would love to have... A great kid, brother, student, employee, son, and hopefully one day a husband... He is so damn knowledgeable, where no question doesnt have an answer... He is so understanding that I dont have to explain what I mean by whatever I said or wrote or fear that I was misunderstood... He is elegant and attractive and sometimes so damn irresistible... He is soooooo funny that I never stop laughing at whatever he says, even if its not funny...

He is an angel... someone I cherish and wish to have in my life forever and I would probably kill any girl/guy who would take my place as his friend...

I wish him more than just the best of this world... my bestest bud EVER :)

I am 17% Bitchy

You Are 17% Bitchy

You are practically an angel - both on the inside and outside.You try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and you're even tolerant of bitchiness in others!

How Bitchy Are You?

Ana TEFLLA

I always knew that I'm naiive.. but never thought that I'm THAT naiive... Ana tele3t teflla begad... Take this quiz it's fun... It turns out I'm acting like an 18 yr old.... like Bryan Adams says it "I'm gonna be 18 till I DIE"...

You Are 18 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

My self-esteem is so low...

You Have Low Self Esteem 64% of the Time

You tend to blame yourself when things go wrong, regardless of whether it's your fault or not. You're anxious to please others and rely too much on their opinions. Learn to please yourself first, and your confidence will soar. How is Your Self Esteem?

Hold on to me and never let me go...

Love is the greatest feeling one can have for someone...
To feel like someone is the world to you... you'd do anything to make him happy...

And as soon as you realise that you love him, he becomes the air you breathe... the reason why you're living...the dreams of a wonderful future... He occupies your thoughts, your sleepless nights, and your dreams... He becomes the world... Even the world is not enough to describe how valuable and worthy he is to you...

You give without expecting any return... You care and worry too much that it kills you... You love endlessly thinking that he loves you the same way... You wait patiently for something to happen or your life together to start already... You try to make it work out, make sacrifices and change your whole world just for him to be by your side...

Love.. a great emotion cherished by few and appreciated by none... Love... OMG... it is the best feeling in the world... it is painful... so painful and so damn pleasing...

I remember the butterflies I used to feel... The extreme happiness I used to experience... The sighs, the tears, the laughs, the thoughts of love...

I heard this Nickelback song over 10 times today on my way to work. And I dedicate it to all the hopeless romantics out there who share my same thoughts.... ENJOY!

Nickelback
Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand

I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Collapse sooner or later :(

Lost and confused... unable to understand what is going on in my life or how big are the events... I am unable to measure the consequences, unable to understand or think or manage what I'm going through... They all say "enty bent gada3a" but will I be able to handle for the coming year? I am so lost and confused... I dont know what happened... I feel like it is just a bad dream that I am facing and that soon I will wake up to find my life better... I feel like it is one of my ugly day dreams from which i will again wake up... I feel like I am unconscious... unaware of all what is going on around me...

It turns out she has cancer and has to do chemotherapy sometime soon... They want to send her abroad to take her 6 months treatment and of course I have to be with her coz I am the only one who takes care of her... Its not that they asked me, I am the one who wants to go to make sure that everything goes on well... My job, my life, my friends, my freedom, my mother, everything is never going to be what it used to be... my life has changed dramatically and I have to accept it, take it lightly, and go on with it...

My mother's sickness, my annoying and unbearable job, my being broke for more than 2 months now that I actually had to sell some of my golden jewelry to pay for my bills, my studying, my broken heart...... I am simply living in a BIG comma and I feel that soon I will collapse from all this mess I'm living in...

I am smiling, laughing, working hard, making fun out of everything that I am going through... But deep inside, there is sooooooo much pain that sooner or later will show and make me collapse...

I am so tired... el 7amdolelah...

I am TERRIFIED!!!

Health... I never thought of health as something of importance... It is something that I have always ignored and never cared to care or worry about... The act of breathing, or chewing, or even going to the bathroom, were normal body functions that I never thought of their worth... Till my mum got sick and I realised how weak and fragile a person can be and how important every part and function of the body is... God gave us the greatest gift of all, which is a healthy body... and if a small part doesn't function well, everything else is affected, even one's life...

My mother's sickness is terrifying me... I have 2 younger brothers and a sister and I have to be calm and show them that there is nothing wrong and everything will be ok, but I'm scared and can't take such role anymore... Plus, I have to cheer her up so as to lift her spirits to help her heal quickly ISA... I have to show my father that I am a responsible person and can take care of the house and his kids... But i am terrified and the word Terrified is a small word to describe how I feel.. I am thanking God for everything, but I am still terrified and feeling helpless... I can't work, sleep, eat, or concentrate on anything but the fact that my mother is in the hospital... I sometimes even miss prayers because I'm not concentrating... Even wearing my clothes before I go out is something I forget to do...

I wish someone would hug me, calm me down and tell me that everything will be ok... I feel like all the pressure and fear is on me and I have to calm everyone down, when I'm terrified myself...

El7amdolelah 3ala kol 7al.. ya rab ya shafeee

Street Harassment

Everyday on my way to work, I walk for 5 minutes to reach my office, which is something I enjoy... Walking in the streets of downtown Cairo... Checking out the nice buildings and breathing the morning cool breeze is something i love doing... However, MEN seem to ruin my morning walks and morning mood... I wonder what they benefit from the dirty comments they give. What pleasure or satisfaction comes out of it? Why do I have to take the comment silently and leave?


What is even more interesting is the fact that he (the harasser) passes by me and whispers his comments in my ear in a second... They are so talented in deciding on the right time, the right tone and the right moment to say the dirty crap they say and leave... It's disgusting to hear every single day comments on my body... I sometimes think "howa enta shayef aii 7agga aslan 3alashan te2ool el kelmeteen el kazereen betoo3ak dool?!?!?!".... Dirty awi ya3ny... Plus, I feel commodified, objectified and humiliated... It is impossible for me to listen to such crap and not feel like a slut...


Once I was walking and a car with four guys came walking by my side and started telling me "Eh el 7alawa de? Danna low mesektek 7a2ata3ek".... And the car was so close to me that the guy could reach out and grab my hand so easily... He kept saying all those abusive sexual things for almost 5 minutes till I couldn't tolerate anymore and I gave him a fierce stare in the eye, thinking that I might turn him off or scare him away or anything... But what I got was a hysterical laugh and more harassment... I felt weak and vulnerable for the first time in my life... I felt that being a woman is a disadvantage, as it makes her liable to such shit...


Men think of us, women only in an animalistic way... And that is the only thing they care about... They don't think that their harassment hurts, or scares us, or makes us feel like we're mere objects...

"Gawaz el Saloonat"

I turned 24 two months ago and it seems that my growing older and not getting married is freaking my parents out, especially my mother... So she decides to call her friend who is famous for getting spouses for all the girls of the family and give her my "mowasafat" and ask her to fetch me a match... And since then, my mother have been recieveing Weekly telephone calls from different women wanting me to meet up with their sons... And here I am, all bored and tired of all those stupid meetings i had to go through...

It feels weird, when I have to get dressed up, be nice, and go check out a guy... And experience the mother checking me out... looking at every single detail of me... my clothes, my looks, my way of thinking... and my getting to hear some fake and stupid conversation with some stranger... I'm not saying that all men are like that, but all the ones I met are simply intolerable... They are all either ignorant and air-heads, or too arrogant, or not of my same social class... I tolerated many stupid conversations, and "nezelt b mostawa tafkeery" to cope with the child who is proposing to me... I'm not saying that I'm Perfect, but I'm not accepting of "gawaz el saloonat" and I didn't like any of the men I had the chance to meet during the last 5 months...

Once I met this guy whoes sole interest in the world is driving and reading "Ragol El Mosta7eel"... How the hell should I accept such a guy? And the thing is, he liked me and actually wanted to see me again and propose... What was even more annoying is that he kept staring at my privates all the time, which was sooooooooo embaressing... As if he is checking out the sexual partner not the life-time partner... grrrrrrrrrrr... I was about to punch him in the eyes so that he's never look at any girl again...

What is bothering me is the fact that I have 13 female cousin and 10 of them got married that way.. So it seems to be the ONLY solution to the issue of marriage... but does that mean that I should accept it.... They all told me that love comes after marriage... and keda keda love changes into some other things after marriage...

To be honest, I'm not ready to have a life-time relationship right now... And I can't just accept the fact that I can see a random guy once and then decide whether he will be my partner or not... I simply CAN'T... and when I told my parents so, they freaked out and started telling me that this is the only way for me to find a spouse and get married... They make me feel like I don't have any other options, that I'm growing old and that I have to do something about it and fast... The pressure is killing me... Am I really that old? Is 24 too old or considered a spinster already? Should I just accept anybody just for the sake of getting married...

She called me today to tell me that there is this guy that wants to see me who is 8 years older than I am... I like the age gap to be honest.. but the thing is, I dont want to see anybody anymore... so I told her "mama er7ameeny ba2a, ana mesh 3ayza ashoof 7ad, ana mesh 3ayza atgawez khales... kefaya ba2a please"... But I will still see him tomorrow night...

*Sigh*

Obssessed!!!

I came home to find her giving me this sad face and red eyes... And of course I couldn't not ask her "what's wrong mum? what happened?"... and I was surprised to find a flow of tears and extreme sadness over the fact that I'm spending the weekend (friday and saturday) in the North Coast with my friends... She simply said: "I can't take it without you"...

My mum's love for me is maddness...

The thing is, we are both so emotional and romantic, and because we don't have anyone to exercise the romance and emotions on, we love each other so much that it is starting to ruin both our lives... Don't get me wrong or get a dirty idea about our relationship... I'm serious about this and i dont know what to do about it...

I tell her absolutely everything in my life... I love her more than anything in the world... I care for her, take her out, have fun with her, make her happy, amuse her, listen to her problems and comfort her... I'm definitely her crying shoulder and her most trusted friend and advisor... She is totally dependent on me when it comes to anything in the world... I do her absolutely everything... And I like it because I'm the type of person who is giving, loving, emotional, and loves making people happy... And the fact that i failed in a couple of relationships made me dedicate my "giving" energy to the people who deserve such giving... and definitely my mother is worth much much more than what I give her...

But the thing is, she became obssessive... I can't go out because she gets bored and misses me when im not around.. I can't travel anywhere because when i do, she get pains in her stomach and temperature and spends days in bed unable to move a muscle... JUST BECAUSE I'M GOING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND... she actually Cried knowing that I'm going to the North Coast, which is 3 hours away from my house by car.... What if i get married and leave the house for good?? What if I decided to pursue my PhD and leave to the U.S. or the U.K??? How will she cope with that?

I simply have no idea what to do... Should I ignore those tears and leave and have a life and let her cope with the fact that I'm away? Or should I dedicate my life to her and ignore all my dreams and future plans and my fun time? Should I be tolerant? Should I accept it? Should I rebel?

Mummeeeeeee... I love you, but you have to give me some space and freedom to live!